If you were ever a medical or nursing student, or majored in any other subject that required a psychology class, then you've heard of the five stages of grief. We are taught that these are the stages that we go through when we lose a loved one, when we face death. However, we are not always taught that those who live with chronic disease also go through these phases.
What are the five stages of grief? They are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. We can go through them in any order, we can go through some stages more than once, we make take years to move on to the stage of acceptance.
I have so far moved through denial, anger and depression and acceptance. I constantly deny my illness and disability. When I hit this one hard I will usually try to work too much. I will clean, scrub, cook horrific amounts of food, craft, shop, work outside, anything to deny that I am sick. I'll go until I can't. Until my heart won't let me. Until my body begs me to stop. Until my head is pounding. And, for a few days after, I have a hard time going at all. And then I get angry. I'm mad at the doctors for not fixing me, for taking so long to diagnose me, whatever reason I can find. I get mad at my family for not pitching in more, not listening, not taking me serious. My poor husband bears the brunt of this stage. Then, I'll often become depressed. I become afraid of dying, upset about the things that I can't do. I have to work on who I am again, find my value. Then, for a few days I move into a stage of acceptance and am at peace with who I am and where I am. And before long I change and it starts all over.
So, what I want you to know is that these feelings are normal. If you are dealing with a terrible illness, if you've lost a family member, if you've been through a huge change in your life, then you'll go through these stages. Recognizing them helps you to understand what you are feeling and why. It helps bring a bit of perspective so that you can better live with it and maybe move on.
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